Transforming the Body into a Weapon
"Our ancestors prove to us that our lives are livable because they have in fact been already lived"
The only response to an unsolvable problem is to invent a solution.
I’m leaving next week to tour with my band for a week in Florida. We’re an all-Arab band; half of our band members were raised in Florida and I’m the only visibly trans person in the band. I know this tour means a lot to them, but part of me is acutely aware of how bad of a time this is to be trans in Florida. Especially an Arab trans person in a band called Pure Terror.
First, some personal updates: I’m going by Nassim exclusively these days. “Seem” is a nickname I like a lot, and Sema isn’t a dead name by any means. Nassim just feels so much better, and it’s actually closer to my birth name. I finally cut my hair short again. I’m going back on T and have been using he/ him pronouns. I’ve been working out, drinking less, and trying hard to eat throughout the day. Some of these changes are coming now because there is relatively more safety in “passing” but also because I’ve been making more of an effort to feel at home in my body after a year and a half of being burnt out and disassociated.
I’ve been looking back at photos of myself and seeing a young boy just trying to figure it out. And I do feel like I’m getting closer.
Body hacking. Fine-tuning. After market mods. Each small action is bringing myself closer to the self I’ve always been but haven’t always known. I’ve written about how tattoos have been instrumental in my life as a trans person. And I still very much feel that way. The ability to transform your body is a powerful weapon, especially when so many other options are being stripped away.
But we must not confuse the ends with the means. I take care of myself because I am part of the whole, and part of taking care of the whole is not stopping at taking care of myself. I show up for my community in every way I can. I’m constantly thinking about the trans women who’ve been transferred to mens prisons all over the country. Jaia Cruz is a 24-year-old trans woman who is currently being held on Rikers Island for defending herself against a transphobic attack. This essay I read yesterday by Sarah Harpy really resonated with me. “Building ourselves into a new people means reacting harshly to every instance of genocidal oppression as if it were against us.”
I’m curious about the ways we “build ourselves into a new people”. The cultural work, the community work, the hard decisions and the physical manifestations that can help to guide our way. I’ve been working on a new series of paintings that are manifestations for a better world - a world that is more just, more free. I can’t stop thinking about the image from CECOT prison in El Salvador (you know the one) and all of the tattoos on the people imprisoned there. There’s no way any of us could ever separate politics from tattooing, even if we wanted to.
These images are not only burned into our collective conscience, they are actively shaping the history we are living out. I think about the people in the photographs, how their shaved heads are just one tool of fascism used to strip them of personhood. Tattoos have long been used in gang databases as ways to further profile and criminalize black and brown men. Tattooing has historically been an act of rebellion against the dehumanization of prison.
Last month I had the opportunity to go on a walking tour of tattoo history in the Lower East Side with Michelle Myles while I was guesting at Daredevil Tattoo. We walked through the old Bowery where American Traditional tattooing got its start in New York. Michelle has so much knowledge about tattooing and New York history. As we passed old tenement housing, the past, the present and the future all merged into one. It is important to note that the history we know cannot be separated from histories of genocide and erasure. Tattooing existed on this land far before the first settlers from Europe arrived. It feels incredibly humbling and is a huge responsibility to be stepping in the footsteps of a path that’s been walked for so long before us.
Our ancestors prove to us that our lives are livable because they have in fact been already lived.
I am held in the truth that my queer and trans ancestors have survived so much, fought for my existence and given me the tools to transform my body into a weapon that threatens the very State that still threatens the world. I rest in the truth that the US Empire will fall. And I very much accept my role in bringing this reality to fruition as we build ourselves into a new people.
Food Fight is having a fundraiser for long term solidarity with our migrant community from the Jefferson Shelter on Saturday, May 3rd
I’m still fundraising for Hadeel’s family that evacuated Gaza. The donations that I send monthly sustain Hadeel and her three children. They currently need funds for schooling and emergency dental work.
Here are tattoos I made that I am proud of. I’m booking in home sweet home NYC through May and June. Here’s the link for booking a flash appointment and if you want something custom - email me! (sema.tats@gmail.com) If you’re thinking about a large scale project, I love doing in person (or virtual) consultations - they are always free and without obligation if you decide not to get tattooed.
I’m also planning a trip to Chicago in June. Waitlist gets first priority so let me know if you want to get added before I send out dates.
If the links aren’t working in this email, try viewing it on Substack or email me.
Last thing! The Florida tour dates are:
Thursday 5/1 Melbourne at The Abra, Friday 5/2 Gainesville at The Ox, Saturday 5/3 Orlando at Uncle Lou’s and Sunday 5/4 Miami at Bar Nancy
Thank you as always,
Nassim